Tag: mental health

Iron Men

~ Richard Solano ~ Leave a comment

I was good at cross country running when I was young.

In High School, I rode my bike so much that I had a hard time finding pants that fit. Pants that were skinny enough for my waste were too skinny for my thigh muscles.

You know what I liked about those sports?

I could be isolated when I did them.

By nature, I’m an introvert.

I crave alone time.

It’s how I recharge after a day of dealing with people.

Nowadays, I find my alone time in my “cave” (a spare room with no windows in the basement).

The bike tires are flat, so my gut isn’t. Pants that fit my waste have plenty of thigh room now.

So, what’s with the title? Am I writing about superheroes?

Maybe someday.

Proverbs 27 has a verse that says,

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”

(ESV)

As much as I love my alone time, I can’t do life alone.

I would flounder, lose my motivation. Life would stink.

Since I was a teenager, I started intentionally reaching beyond myself. I purposely sought to get to know other people.

The friends I’ve made over the years have challenged me in so many ways. They’ve encouraged, challenged and corrected me enough to keep my on the right path for my life.

When I’ve strayed from that path, they’ve guided me back to it.

Hopefully, I’ve guided a few of them in return.

All this comes to mind now as our church is getting ready to kick off small groups for the fall season. I’ll be leading a men’s breakfast every Saturday morning in Brighton, Colorado. We have dozens of others groups in the area. Email me if you want any information about them.

If you aren’t in this area, I strongly recommend getting involved in some sort of small group.

If your church does not have them or you don’t go to church, start one of your own.

People grow better together.

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17 NIV).

Let’s get to sharpening.

The Spirit of Adventure

~ Richard Solano ~ Leave a comment

Today, as our church is in the middle of an “At the Movies” series, we learned from the movie Up.

I can relate to Carl. You know, the old guy from the movie.

Life seems to fly by.

But, as we learned today, life can be an adventure.

Make no mistake, getting older stinks, but it beats the alternative.

More and more, I find myself glancing in the mirror and wondering who that old man over there is.

I don’t feel old.

But then, when I get on the ground to do something, I always think “is there anything else I need to do while I’m down here.

I still walk a lot.

I tend to work circles around those younger than me.

And then I’m ready for a nap.

I tend to listen to a lot of hip-hop and pop music…

mixed in with the oldies…

at high volume…

because I don’t hear as well any more.

I’ve worked with youth for years, which helps me feel younger.

And now I have a head full of grey hair.

Honestly, I don’t feel my age.

If you’re wondering, I’ll hit the big 6-0 next March.

Does getting older really stink?

Sure, there are parts of it I could do without.

 

  • I can’t look at a hamburger without gaining a couple pounds.
  • I get winded after going up a few flights of stairs (but I take them anyway).
  • Pain is a near constant companion.

 

But there are so many benefits to getting older.

 

  • I’ve forgotten more than most 20-year-olds know.
  • I have more confidence now than ever before.
  • With my experience, I’ve gotten very good at my job.
  • People give me more respect than ever before.
  • Two words – Senior Discounts!
  • Finally, my relationship with God is stronger than ever before.

 

You can see the benefits far outweigh the disadvantages.

Even though I’ve had many adventures and am getting a little older, that doesn’t mean the adventures have to stop.

In fact, I’m just a little over 5 years from retirement from my day job. Then I’ll have another whole set of adventures.

Whether you’re 17 or 77,

Don’t let the adventure stop.

Cherish each moment.

Remember the good ones and put the bad behind you.

Then move on to the next great adventure!

Just keep a watch out for me ‘cause this adventurer is cruising along!

The View From Here

~ Richard Solano ~ Leave a comment

My flight back from North Carolina made a detour. Despite swinging clear down to New Orleans, we still encountered turbulence from the large thunderstorms in our path.

Isn’t that just like life.

I arrived home to a misfiring minivan, a broken toilet, weeds threatening the garden, foot high grass in the backyard (it rained so much there was no time to mow), a leaky basement, a failing shower head, and a wife leaving me (just for the week to help her parents. Calm down.)

We managed to get through the week and got all the repairs taken care of but we are still in an emotional fog as my mother-in-law has taken a turn for the worse. She will likely take possession of her heavenly body this week.

This is the view from the middle of the storm.

Emotional and physical exhaustion threaten to rule.

Other than my daily devotional, I’ve only had one chance to sit down and write. The words wouldn’t come.

Even as the storms rage, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there will be sunlight on the other side.

“Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.”

Psalms 23:4 NLT

My wife and I will rest in God’s strength and guidance as the storm passes.

When we reach the other side, I will update you on my writing journey and the next exciting steps.

Until then, if you are in the middle of life’s storms,

seek the strength and shelter of the one who can calm storms with a word.

When the storm passes, rejoice in the clear new day.

From Abduction to Action

~ Richard Solano ~ Leave a comment

Maewyn was abducted

from his family home at the age of 16. He was trapped in the world of human trafficking in a third world country for the next 6 years.

He was bought by a war lord who put him to forced labor.

He had no rights.

He had no respect.

He had no love.

He looked for escape at every opportunity.

As he labored, he turned to faith in God for comfort.

There were no other believers in that area but he remembered enough of his family’s faith to get him started.

When the opportunity to escape finally came, he jumped at it. The attempt nearly killed him.

When he finally made it home, he studied more about Christ, eventually becoming a minister.

Then came the call on his life.

He had a vision in which he received a note from the people of the land of his captivity. It begged him to return.

I don’t know about you, but I would be very hesitant to return to where life was horrible. Nobody wants to revisit bad memories, much less, live among them.

The closer Maewyn got to God, the more he understood God’s compassion and the need the people of that land to get to know God.

Maewyn obeyed the call.

By now he had taken a new name to reflect his changed life.

He returned to that violent land, Ireland, under his new name, Patrick.

He brought the Gospel to a land that desperately needed it and brought about the most drastic revival Northern Europe had ever seen.

Maewyn was just a normal upper middle class teenager in his day. He suffered some extreme trauma that turned his life upside down. No one would have blamed him if he had just found a quiet place to hide the rest of his life.

But he didn’t.

Instead of letting the trauma rule him, he channeled it into compassion and action.

I know that PTSD, social anxiety, and many other conditions are real. I don’t mean to belittle them.

But what would happen if we submitted our fears and trauma to God and let him heal and use them to bring healing to others? I know it’s not easy or simple but Patrick and many others have shown it is possible and the fruits of their actions show it is worth it.

This Friday, as you enjoy your corned beef and cabbage or shamrock shake (or green beer), remember the life of that guy who brought Christ to Ireland and ask yourself if there’s anything you can learn from him. It might just bring you to a life of healing and action.

The Bristly Truth

~ Richard Solano ~ 1 Comment

 

I’m right at that point where the crazy itchiness is giving way to warm comfort.

I recently told one of my daughters that it was like a warm blanket was covering my chin. She didn’t understand. She thinks I should shave.

I’m doing a No-Shave November.

If you’re not familiar with it, that’s where men around the world go a month without shaving to highlight men’s health issues.

It would be a lie to say that was exactly what I was doing.

For one thing, I shaved this morning – but just those pesky hairs that pop up on my upper cheeks and earlobes. I know, weird, huh?

Also, I’m mainly using November as an excuse to see how my beard looks nowadays. I know it’s mostly grey and makes me look older. But I kinda like it.

I might just keep it. Stay tuned.

Don’t get me wrong, I think men’s health issues are important and if my not shaving reminds some men to get more proactive about their health, that’s great.

What I’m far more interested in is men’s mental and spiritual health.

We have become a society that measures its members by what people have rather than what they do.

There’s bumper sticker that says, “He who dies with the most toys wins.” It should say

“He who dies with the most toys dies.”

I read recently (in “The Men We Need” by Brant Hansen) about a Mouse Utopia. A social scientist set up an experiment where a group of mice were given everything they needed. They didn’t have to do anything to get food. Their enclosure was kept clean and safe. All they had to do was reproduce.

At first, they thrived. Then, they reached a peak population far below the capacity of their enclosure. The mice lost interest in everything, even reproduction. They turned violent, killing each other. Finally, the colony died off.

This happened over and over.

What went wrong?

The mice had no purpose. Their God-given instincts to find new food sources and struggle to survive were denied an outlet.

We’re not mice, but we have a God-given need for purpose.

In learning to write novels, one big thing I’ve learned is that there has to be a struggle or conflict or people will get bored and stop reading.

The same is true for people and especially men. We have been given a need to fight to survive and prosper. That includes working to support our families. But I believe it goes beyond that.

We have a need for a greater purpose – to make an impact on our world.

We have a tendency to try to fill that need with video games and sports. While there’s nothing wrong with those, they don’t do much for us. We need to make a real difference to feel fulfillment.

The bottom line is:

DO SOMETHING.

Step outside of your comfort zone and do something that will impact people outside of your normal sphere.

When you make an impact on this world, you’ll be amazed how much your efforts will impact you.

Moments that Move

~ Richard Solano ~ Leave a comment
Bob Wiley (bobble head) is excited to see the end of the book.

One day last week, I was typing along, trying to wrap up the rough draft of Wil Clarey: The Mystery at the Mill, when I got to the end of a paragraph and tears threatened to spill from my eyes.

No, it wasn’t some emotional scene.

It just hit me, as the last few words hit the page, that it was the end of the book.

With my busy schedule, it has taken me over a year and a half to write it.

It was a momentous occasion!

I was brought up to stuff emotions inside.

“If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about”

was heard around my childhood home more than once.

Later in life, even my father realized how destructive that phrase was.

Now I’m a big softy.

My kids like watching emotional movies with me so they can see me cry. Of course, I use the “I’m just stuffed up” excuse every time but they know better.

The same thing happens to me at a powerful worship service – especially if we sing songs that hold nostalgic significance to me.

Brant Hansen writes about having experienced emotional envy. (Blessed are the Misfits c. 2017, Brant Hansen). Being on the autism spectrum, situations that would be emotional to others didn’t faze him. He makes the point that those experiences and the faith that goes with them are not dependent on emotion.

When I lived in Arizona, I attended a church where the worship leader got so emotional every week that it distracted me from the worship experience. After a couple of months there, I ended up going to a different church because of it.

Worship can be an emotional experience.

So, what am I trying to say?

Is emotion good or not?

Anyone who has experienced tears of joy should be able to tell you that emotion is good. I agree. But,

Emotion should never take the place of faith.

Faith will produce an emotional response in most people. But faith based on emotional experiences has an unstable foundation.

In preparing for this blog, I tried to think of experiences I’ve had that were emotional. There were many. But it wasn’t the emotional response, but the situation and the faith involved in it that were life changing.

I could go on and on about emotions. There are so many negative emotions that can make people feel trapped.

I’ve been there.

I can offer no easy escape, but I can say that positive emotions help.

So, next time that song has you in tears, that unexpected blessing brings tears of joy, or that leap of faith brings release from anxiety, savor the emotional experience without basing your life on it.

You may just find those flashes of joy help light the way to an emotionally and spiritually healthy life based on

truth and faith.

Winter

~ Richard Solano ~ Leave a comment

Warm dog snuggled to my side; I gaze out on the snow melting on the deck.

Yup. It’s Winter.

I’m generally a happy kind of guy. But winter does a number on me.

Short days.

Achy joints.

And this week, sickness.

It’s just a cold (I tested negative for COVID twice), but it was enough to keep me from going to Winter Camp with my 6th grade students from church.

They’re good. Another youth leader stepped up and they have someone to lead them through the weekend.

And I’m here, nursing this crud.

What can I do?

When I first called in sick, I thought, “Great! I’ll have time to write.”

And I have written some. But, for the most part, I’ve been to cruddy feeling to engage my imagination.

Today, I feel like I’m in the middle of one of David’s Psalms where he starts out with “Woe is me” and ends up with “God is good and so is life.”

My cold symptoms are waning. I have a little more energy.

On top of that, the middle of winter was last Thursday! Spring is around the corner!

It’s weeks like this that I am reminded of my weak humanity. My human body has been weakened by a cold virus and taken my mental state with it.

I’ve given myself a break, literally. I worked from home Tuesday when symptoms started. Then I took Wednesday through Friday off work and stayed home from this weekend’s camp.

I won’t be foolish enough to overdo it today. I want to be well enough for church tomorrow. But I can channel my slowly returning energy into creative work, like this blog, and writing more on Wil Clarey Book 3 (Mystery at the Mill).

The bottom line to this ramble is:

cut yourself some slack.

If winter has you down, if sickness has been hitting you, or just the weight of life has been pushing your spirits down, it’s okay to take a break.

Regain your health. Rally your strength. Spring is coming with new life and new adventures!

If you’re stuck at the beginning of Psalm 73, keep reading, victory is on the way!